Well, it looks like this is as good as she's gonna get. I used Motsenbocker's Latex Based Paint Remover. Worked great. Bio-degradeable, no harsh solvents, and is water based.
This is the side that was mostly covered in paint. I'm just going to leave the other side as-is for now. It hardly has any paint on it. It'll face the wall anyways. It may be beat up and cut up, but it'll look cool on the kitchen wall anyways. Thanks for all the advice everybody!